Whining.

Week 1 of grad school is over and I'm already feeling hopeless and sorry for myself. While the material is challenging (obviously) it's the time commitment that is horrifying in every way. I just can't wrap my head around working full time, attending classes until 9:00pm two nights a week, reading 200 pages of material in my free time (literally, that's my assignment by next week), and eventually I'll need to fit 24 hours of internship in there, too. I kind of want to kill myself, and I can't help but wonder how the hell it's even possible.


I kind of find comfort in knowing everyone else is overwhelmed and terrified just like I am, but it doesn't help knowing I actually need to suck it up and do this. I know "two years will fly by!" but considering I'm only a week in and I'm depressed already, it's hard to see the silver lining. I've always been the kind of person who looks toward the future instead of being one of those instant gratification-types, so I keep reminding myself that that is the reason I am doing this. I need my Masters Degree so I can move up in the world and make more money. Two years is nothing in the grand scheme of life and by the time I turn 27 it will already be over. I'll just repeat that over and over again until I'm blue in the face and hopefully I'll get used to the fact that I have no free time whatsoever for the next 700-some days.


I have come to grips with the fact that my cookie-making days are temporarily OVER. Before classes started I figured, "First semester, classes are only Tuesday and Wednesday nights. Surely I can bake and decorate cookies on the weekends!" WRONG. Next weekend I had planned on making bridal shower cookies for my sister's best friend, and bringing them home for the shower to use as favors. Not happening anymore. It makes me sad. It would have served as a 'see mom for her birthday' weekend, too, so I really wish I'd be able to escape overnight to go see everybody. I also had to break a cookie promise with one of my coworkers, who had requested 50 or so for her little man's 4th birthday party. I feel like such a douchebag but there's literally no way I can accommodate fun in any way. Grad school is probably a lot easier when you're taking it online, or when you're just taking classes and they don't require you to get an unpaid part-time job while you work toward your degree. Why is Social Work so damn difficult? School is difficult and the job itself is difficult and no one gives us any effing credit when it's all said and done. This degree better be worth it! I will have to remember to keep calm and have a cupcake (though it'll need to be a store-bought one because I have no time to make them anymore). 


I have started Googling speed-reading. I figure if I'm going to have mounds and mounds and mounds of reading material to get through on every other day of the week, I may as well try to get through it as fast as possible while retaining the information. I read that just following the words with your finger can actually speed up your reading, since your eyes don't stop on every word as they would without the finger. The finger hurries it along without you misunderstanding the content. I tried this, and I find that I move my finger too quickly in an effort to get through it as fast as possible, so I wind up just skimming the text. It doesn't work at all. Then I have to go back and reread it, wasting more time. Then the cats come sit on my book and I don't make them get up, so that wastes more time. I hope I just need some time to get back into the swing of things. Maybe this is just a cruel adjustment period. I have been out of school and working full-time for over a year, and this may just be a rude awakening. I'm not used to having to buckle down and commit myself to material like this, the way I was in undergrad. I do feel lucky that I don't have to accommodate all of this while having to sustain the life of a toddler, though. I don't know how the parents get through this program in one piece. All I have is a boyfriend and two cats (though one of the cats was mad at me for not being here for our nightly routine on the nights I had classes). 


This was a horrible entry. I just needed to vent. My apologies - maybe next time I'll have my act together. Back to reading! 

What I Did This Weekend

First things first: I did bake my Brown(ie) Nosers, and though I haven't eaten one (because the last thing I need in my life right now is a delicous, brown-sugary, caramelly, and chocolatey confection) they smelled amazing and those who have eaten one already were fast fans. I gotta say, the ingredients for these things wracked up one hell of a grocery bill - it required "premium" chocolate (ie: Ghirardelli instead of Hershey's), a glass 10x15 roasting pan that I did not already own (and I figured I may as well get one), and a bunch of other stuff that I probably should have already had in my cupboard but did not. They were time consuming and more complex than I would prefer for a brownie-esque dessert but they turned out as they were supposed to. So I'll trust that they taste as delicious as they look and smell.


Second: I wiki'd Wendy Williams to see if she is really a man. Turns out she's not. Huh.


Third(ly), I watched Source Code, which is a pretty decent flick if you're into those twisty, mind-bending type movies. The ending sparked an argument between Nick and I, which is how I gauge how good a movie was. We bickered pretty hard core on this one, so I give the movie two thumbs up. Whenever a movie's ending is confusing enough to illicit a 15 minute post-movie kerfuffle between he and I, it was a decent watch.


I am proud of myself for having finished two books within the last 30 days - first it was Tina Fey's "Bossypants," (laughed out loud the entire time... even if you hate books by nature you'll like this one), and the one I put down yesterday was Augusten Burrough's "Running with Scissors." I feel like I'm the last person in the world to read "Scissors," so I'm kind of ashamed to say that I just finished it this weekend. Regardless, that's a lot more reading than most of you have done in the last month so I won't get the shame eat at me too much.


Fifth(ly), I bought some last-minute school supplies =( Cue the sad music. I can't stop whining about having to go back to school, it's killing me! It's only 2 classes but the fact my Tuesdays and Wednesdays are RUINED for the next two years is a little depressing. On my class days I am at work from 8-4:30, eat some dinner quickly, then heading up the road to get to class by 6, where I stay until 8:50. Then a 30 minute ride home puts me through the door at 9:30, which is a 13.5 hour day. Two days in a row. I go to sleep at 10:30, when am I going to shower?! Next year I'll have an internship on top of working full time and taking the two classes. That'll really put me on suicide watch! Good times. Good times. 


Anyway, it's getting late and I want to go ahead and pack myself lunch for work tomorrow and go through that whole routine. I wanted to start another book, considering I have several sitting in my living room that I haven't opened yet, but I'm wondering if it's even worth it considering I'm starting school in a few days. If I'm super busy I'll read the first chapter tonight and not look at it again for another 730 days or so. Goddddddd this is so depressingggggg! *stomps feet and holds breath*

I guess my last post about never cooking for Nick made me a little guilty. He's at his dad's house tonight so I decided to make him a little snack for when he returns. It's super easy (and super inexpensive) - just a carton of raspberries *more fruit??!* and a box of cheap-o, no-bake cheesecake filling. I whipped up the cheesecake, shoved the stuff into a piping bag fitted with a star tip, and filled all the raspberries. They're so pretty and it was a cute, quick way to totally negate all the nutritional value of a raspberry =)


Speaking of food, I decided which recipe I am going to attempt this weekend. And I have already promised several coworkers I'll return Monday with goodies in tow so I'd better be able to deliver. 

An Apple Analysis

I am a huge apple-eater (I take "apple a day" very literally) and I've gotta say: lately these apples I've been buying suck big time. They are all such a mealy, disgusting mess. I always steer clear of apples with loose-feeling skin, or all of the Red Delicious variety (because good luck getting a satisfactory Red Delicious). But for the past several weeks I've been biting into my beloved Braeburns expecting the half-sweet, half-tart goodness that I've come to rely on from my apples, and I get a mouth full of tasteless sawdust. It's such a let-down... they are all mealy and it's driving me insane. I know Fall is apple season but this is 2011 and there are some very advanced preservation techniques that are used now; ergo, I'm really not thrilled about all my apples being half rotten when I try to shovel them into my gaping maw.


On top of that hideous texture they all seem to feature now, I've cut into four (count them: FOUR) apples in recent history wherein the seeds were ALREADY SPROUTING INTO APPLE TREES. Seriously, what the hell is going on with my fruit? There is probably some sort of weird, scientific explanation for it - maybe the extremely overripe apple releases some sort of chemical that makes these seeds think they are living in dirt instead of inside the fruit I'm trying to consume, but it makes me mad regardless. I just haven't been having good luck with produce. I never do, really. I usually never eat it fast enough. All my grapes go bad when I still have about 1/3 of the bag left to go (probably because I am busy dividing my time between them and my apples). I usually buy a good looking carton of berries only to bring them home and discover ONE moldy berry at the bottom (and my mind-over-matter isn't strong enough for that. They are considered collectively moldy from that point onward) and I can never go through a bag of salad mix before the edges start browning. I'm just a girl trying to eat healthy! I'm only one person! I can't possibly manage to eat all this fresh food in a timely fashion! (...carrots, however, rarely disappoint me).


In case you were curious: yes, I know I live with a boyfriend who also has a stomach. I know he could contribute to the consumption of all this produce, but his eating habits are so strange:

1. Never eats on a schedule. Some days he'll eat breakfast, other days he "forgets" to eat until I remind him at 3pm that he hasn't done so yet.
2. Tries to eat healthy foods but usually complains about how expensive healthy food is so he resorts to boxes of macaroni and cheese
3. He is not picky in what he eats, but is picky in how he eats it. He'll eat a salad, but only with THIS kind of dressing... 
4. The poor thing is a bad cook. He tries, and the fact I don't cook for him doesn't help much, but he really is terrible. One time he tried to make himself a balanced meal and what ended up on his plate was a filet mignon and Chef Boyardee ravioli. I love him. 

I tell him to help me go through the fruit I buy, but his irregular eating patterns result in him ignoring the fruit altogether for the first several days, then eating 900 grapes in one sitting or 6 Clementine oranges in one day... this results in him being all fruited-out and he doesn't want anymore fruit for several more days. We should really just resort to dried fruit and frozen vegetables from here on out.


In other news, a coworker of mine bought the Cookie Swap book and brought it to work! I have been eyeing (eying?) this book for months now and never purchased it just because I couldn't rationalize my way into buying another cookie book. Not until I justify the cake book I bought myself months ago that I have yet to make anything from. The pictures were so damn pretty I couldn't help myself - the fantasies of myself making such gorgeous cakes were too much for me to handle. Anyway: I'm very happy that she purchased this book and knows me well enough to know I'd appreciate flipping through it, so I went ahead and made myself color copies of all the recipes that jumped out at me. Surprisingly, I wound up with pages full of lots of yummy-looking bars (because I am trying to tell myself that there is a baking world beyond fancily-decorated cakes and sugar cookies). I am not sure if photocopying those pages is entirely legal, but I took my chances. I don't think I have anything going on this upcoming weekend (there are some up-in-the-air plans that may or may not happen), and if they don't happen, I am going to try making something from this new book. Some bars to share with the coworkers or something. We'll see.


  

Yet Again...

...I have failed you. I am so bad at blogging, it's terrible. I used to be on a real blogging kick a few years ago. I was writing all the time - HILARIOUS things, really - and I actually had several readers!! I guess life just gets the best of me these days, what with having a real life now. Back in my blogging prime I was just skipping class and drinking a lot so I really had nothing better to do in my down time. I guess I feel like my mundane "I work 8.5 hours a day" routine just isn't interesting to most people! Oh well. I'll blog for myself, then.


To update you: my back is as good as new, the Banquet (God, it's been that long since my last post???) went wonderfully, as demostrated by this photo of a smiling me and the CAO of the hospital (this was the end of the night... the fact she was smiling is a very good sign)

and I survived the annual Summer Picnic: yet another Activities Committee duty that was a royal pain to put together but was all worth it in the end. Anyway! My next endeavor is grad school, which starts in a measly week and a half =( I am so bummed about this. Getting here hasn't been easy. That is: dealing with WVU and getting all my questions answered, t's crossed, and i's dotted. I guess the first sign that this wasn't going to be an easy process started a year ago, when they sent me a letter saying, "Congratulations! You are starting grad school in the Fall of 2010!" Wrong. I had to call them and correct that little huge mistake because I didn't want them expecting me to show up for classes I am not supposed to be taking the first place.


Fast forward to a few weeks ago, when I saw my tuition fees for the first semester for the first time. I almost seized. A friend of mine finished this program a few years ago, and as a resident of West Virginia, didn't really bat an eye at the cost of tuition. Here I was, staring at a $6000+ bill for the first semester. I died. It was an out of body experience. I was expecting a few grand, sure... but SIX? No no. My goal is to get through graduate school without a loan (be it from Barack or my father) and I certainly do not have $25,000 sitting in my savings account, after having joined the workforce a year ago, waiting to be spent on furthering my education. I called them, was transferred about 10 times to different people, none of whom knew how to handle this,  until I finally reached someone who knew what was going on around her. Apparently that letter I received last summer, the one that mistook me for a 2010 student, is what royally screwed my record. I guess when I applied for grad school I hadn't been a West Virginia resident long enough to be considered for in-state tuition, assuming I'd be starting in '10. Now that it's 2011, I have been a resident long enough for in-state tuition and it just wasn't changed in their computer system. I never thought I'd beg and plead with someone to consider me a resident of West Virginia. Thankfully it got bumped down to a MUCH more reasonable amount of money (so reasonable, in fact, I can already afford it with the money in my savings account now! All 2 years worth!) but it didn't go down without the following asinine conversation took place beforehand:


Them: Are you working in West Virginia?
Me: Yes.
Them: Do you have a West Virginia driver's license?
Me: Yes.
Them: Do you have a vehicle registered in West Virginia?
Me: Yes.
Them: Are you registered to vote in West Virginia?
Me: Yes.
Them: Do you pay West Virginia income taxes?
Me: Yes.
Them: When you applied, you left that section blank.
Me: When I applied, it was Spring and I had just gotten hired by my current employer. I didn't need to pay income taxes last Spring.
Them: We have your contact number listed with an out-of-state area code.
Me: So?
Them: Well that just raises a red flag in our computer system that you may not live in-state.
Me: Your computer doesn't acknowledge the fact that some people have family members living over the state line?
Them: We have you changed in the system.


And that's how it's done. But it didn't stop there. Once I paid my tuition I kept hearing rumors floating around that I was supposed to receive a letter in the mail outlining when classes start, when orientation is, etc. etc. I never received said letter, so I did what I do best: obsess about it and bug other people for answers. I saw that my classes were listed on the WVU student website, but all the relevant information was "TBA," which I find unacceptable considering they start in a week and a half. I pictured myself blindly walking into buildings on campus, checking empty rooms for signs of life and asking strangers, "are you in the Master's Social Work program? You've never heard of it?" and before you know it I have missed my very first grad school class. And my second class would be the next evening and I won't know where to go for that one, either, so the whole scenario would replay itself. See how that goes in my head? This morning, actually, is when I called WVU yet again to seek answers:


Me: Hi there. Classes for my Master's Degree in Social Work start in two weeks and none of my class information is being displayed on the website. I can see the course title and the teacher's name, but not the date, location, or time.
Them: Ok, do you know who your advisor is?
Me: I got a letter last summer telling me who my advisor is, but she is no longer employed with WVU. So I have no idea who it is now.
Them: Ok... hold on...
*5 minutes of bad music*
Them: Ok, ma'am?
Me: Yeah?
Them: Ok... ("Does she know who her advisor is?") No, she doesn't!
Me: Hello?
Them: Sorry. So you have no idea who your advisor is?
Me: ...you know, I have all the course information right in front of me, if you could just look that up instead...
Them: What are you getting your degree in?
Me: The "direct practice" track. It's not the community-based one, it's the psych one.
Them: Psych?
Me: Yes.
Them: Ohhhhh, ok well this isn't Psych, it's Social Work.
Me: No. I know that. It's the psych TRACK of the Social Work PROGRAM.
Them: Can I have your information? Someone will look you up in the system and call you back.


See? See what a bad omen all of this is? I haven't even started my second go-around at being a student in this lifetime and already other people's ineptitude is stressing me out. Out of sheer divine intervention, one of the girls I was in undergrad with is going to be starting this program alongside me. I consider her an ally in the madness, since she is having a bitch of a time trying to get answers out of these people, just as I am. She emailed one of our professors to ask what the deal was and his response was along the lines of, "oh, you didn't get the letter?"


Long story short, I now know when orientation is and I know where our classes are located. That's enough to get me through days 1 and 2. My first class is the 23rd and orientation/second class are the 24th. Another perfect example of stupidity: why does orientation take place after we have attended our first class? Last time I checked, an "orientation" gets you oriented, and the whole thing seems rather stupid if I have to figure it out on my own the first day without any guidance. I'm not a particularly religious person, but in times like these I just have to trust that this is where God wants me to be at this point in time. And I pray he helps me find the classroom on the first day (on time). And I pray I don't need to participate in any "lets get to know each other" activities that take up the first 45 minutes of class. Amen. 


Enough talk about school. I have 14 entire days to relish not living my life according to semesters again so let's change the subject. Oooh! I know! Take a gander at my drawing of Will and Kate. In my last post, many moons ago, I had just finished my Miranda Kerr drawing and had the lofty ambition of drawing the royal couple (as you know my thoughts on Kate Middleton). Will is pretty much completely down on the paper, despite not having a neck or shirt yet, and Kate still has a long way to go, but here are the royal disembodied heads:

You can save your critiques. I know her chin isn't shaded whatsoever and the lines on her face look way too dark considering her chin has no depth... but it's progress. For now, my to-do list includes adding depth to her chin, darkening his features a little bit so he's not all washed out and blurry compared to her (although she is much sharper in the photo I'm copying), and give her some semblance of a neck so she doesn't look like she's hovering over him like the Ghost of Christmas Past. Her hair is going to be a big endeavor that will likely take hours but I think she looks enough like Kate to be promising. It has potential. It'll be pretty good when it's finished, considering I don't royally (get it?) screw up the rest of her somehow. Her mouth was extremely difficult but I think I nailed it - btw: have you ever noticed what a strange mouth she has?! She is so beautiful and it totally works on her face but sometimes her lips and her teeth are just going in different directions, mind you in a beautiful way, but damn is it hard to capture that strange mouth on paper. I mean her lips are pretty thin but sometimes her upper lip just disappears completely and the angles and the big teeth and UGH. Glad it's done. If you don't think I captured it correctly, please don't bother telling me because I do not have the energy to work on it anymore, so it will remain this way forever.


Anyway: the end.