My Thoughts on the Royal Wedding

I woke up at 5:55am this morning to insure that I catch a glimpse of Kate Middleton getting out of her Rolls Royce in her wedding dress at 6:00am. I don't think I've ever mentioned how much I love Kate Middleton, and perhaps it's because we share a name, but I think she's one of the most classy and gorgeous women Across the Pond has to offer. She's beautiful in a very natural way and she is stylish from head to toe and plays up her best features really well (unlike those people who use "natural beauty" as an excuse to not wear makeup and don pajamas in public).

I would be smiling, too.

A lot of people don't understand why other people (like me) care so much about the Royal Wedding. Quite frankly, I don't understand why I care so much either... but I think it's because nothing like that happens in the States. Instead, we have Donald Trump running for president. Womp womp.


Regardless of the reason, I was super pumped for this wedding. I didn't wake up at 4am when all the press coverage started because I don't care about watching the guests arrive at Westminster Abbey. I just wanted to see Kate in her top secret wedding dress. That is why I did my research and timed my alarm clock perfectly: Kate was supposed to arrive at the Abbey at 11am British time. That's 6am our time, so 5:55 it was for me. And that's exactly how it worked out... I woke up, peed, brushed my teeth, and turned on the tv as her car was slowing in front of the red carpet. And of course on a girl's wedding day she is prettier than she is every other day, and when you look like Kate Middleton you damn near blind people by being so radiant.

I can't see.

I'm not big into wedding dress designers or anything, but everyone was buzzing about it being "Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen." Because I'm not an active member in the wedding dress community, I've never heard of Sarah Burton, nor do I understand how a designer designs for another designer. Who gets the credit? Anyway, this is what Sarah Burton apparently looks like:

So needless to say I am pretty impressed that a woman who puts so little into her own personal appearance is capable of making Kate Middleton even more gorgeous than she is on every other Friday of her life. I look past your frumpy haircut and I tip my itty bitty Fascinator hat to you, Sarah Burton. 


Fascinator hats are apparently all the rage in Britain. I read an article about there being three main types of British headgear: Fascinators, head pieces, and hats. Fascinators are the teeny little things they pin to their heads at an awkward angle, head pieces are usually just an awkward but less teeny, and hats are usually awkward and ginormous. Done the correct way any of them can be hot and fancy schmancy, but done the wrong way you wind up looking like Princess Beatrice did at the wedding today:

I was going to make fun of it but then I found a picture that does it for me.

Is she serious? I think they look goofy enough propped on your forehead much less one that looks like THAT. Kate Middleton can always pull off the Fascinator hat. Really. Google "kate middleton fascinator hat" and gaze upon how much hotness she brings to these goofy little things. On the other end of the spectrum we have Beatrice, who looks like she was let out of her cage and sent to the wedding without taking her medication. I actually spotted her among the humongous crowd in Westminster Abbey as I watched the wedding this morning. I literally noticed this monstrosity among the thousands of people crowded into that church. It scanned over her pretty quickly but I was able to identify her, and some quick Googling only confirmed my initial horror. Technically, I guess this would be a head piece instead of a Fascinator, because it's not as small as Fascinators are, but does it even matter when it gets to this level?


I would also like to point out that one of Kate's bridesmaids looked like a female Damien from The Omen:

I don't think I'd be so offended by her, considering she's just a little girl who can't help her dark circles. But then they released this picture:

Joy hurts her ears.

Is that kid weird looking, or is she weird looking? I just couldn't help but notice she looks like a minion from the sixth circle of Hell. Don't even say I'm being mean, I know you agree with me. Man!... I really don't mean to be so punchy. But my PMS has been absolutely raging for the past week so I am taking it out on these complete strangers instead of coworkers or family members. Regardless, all in all, the wedding was absolutely beautiful (if you cross out the fallopian tube hat and the mythological imp) and I do not regret sacrificing twenty minutes of sleep to watch the beginning of the ceremony. I found out Kate did her own makeup, too... how unpretentious of her. The girl's got some killer cheekbones, that's for sure. I love her! I am jealous William married her, I want to marry her. I hope they are quick to have kids so I can covet their gorgeous babies.


I would likely feel very differently toward the British Monarchy if I were one of the hardworking saps whose tax money funded this wedding. But I'm not, so I'm into it. There's still a single prince left, too! And he is better looking and has more hair than the newly married Prince William! MAYBE I STAND A CHANCE! Just kidding. He wears Nazi costumes to Halloween parties and I question his judgement. 

This is his girlfriend. And you thought I questioned his judgement because of the Nazi costume.

        

Some Easter Things

You'll be happy to know I have calmed down since my last post. Although the email network was down all day at work today, I checked my order status on the Stumps website and the unshipped piece of my order from Friday at least has a tracking number next to it now. I can only assume it's en route. God in Heaven, let it be en route.


I spent the weekend relaxing at my parents' house. I love being there. As terrible as the traffic is, as many Korean shopping centers there are, and as neurotic and strange my family can occasionally be, I grew up in that town and I really miss it sometimes. I left later than I wanted to on Saturday (partly because I was busy blogging about Stumps) but I had waited to take a shower until the morning of, and I hadn't packed anything until the morning of... I basically did everything the morning of. It takes about an hour and a half to get down there, provided the traffic is manageable, and this time I was worried everyone would be driving to their Easter locations and I'd be stuck in a jam as soon as I hit my neck of the woods. Luckily, everyone was apparently in a hurry to get to their Easter locations so it was breeze flying down the highway and I made decent time.


I did the standard: dyed Easter eggs, flopped on the couch and watched tv, hung out w/ the best friend I only get to see every 6 months, etc. etc. Easter was dedicated to Grandma's birthday, also, so we had a big lunch/dinner (linner?) and some cake to celebrate her turning 87. She hates every moment of getting older and she'll tell you that at every opportunity: when I said goodnight to her on Saturday I said, "See you tomorrow," and she replied with, "I hope!" I asked her what she meant by that and her response was, "I could die in my sleep." See what I mean?


Regardless, I had a nice time back at the house and I wished I had today off so I could have stayed an extra night. But the resurrection of our Lord wasn't enough to warrant a day off work so here I am, back at the apartment. By the way, I totally failed at my Lenten resolution. I had vowed to exercise three times a week and it didn't go over so well. I just hate movement, that's the conclusion I've come to. I'm such a sedentary animal. Everyone makes fun of Ty for being such a fat lazy piece but the two of us really aren't very different. We enjoy the same things: eating and sleeping and moving as little as possible. I am forced to move because I have a job where walking is a requirement but can I really hold it against Ty? It's not his fault he's unemployed.

This is us, engaging in one of our mutual interests. 

That is my baby blanket covering me, in case you were wondering. I sleep with it every night of my life. Anyway: I should really get back into the routine of working out because I genuinely care about my health and wellbeing. I'm not overweight (unless you ask my BMI) and I eat generally healthy things - I am just such a sucker for not sweating. Is it really so awful I prefer to sit in air conditioning instead of sweating my ass off out in the elements, moving until my muscles feel like they're going to rip in half? It's just not a nice way to feel. I prefer to not feel that way. All this Easter candy isn't helping my cause, either. I am sitting here eating these horrid little things called Mini Robin Eggs. They're basically Whoppers that they speckled to look like eggs. I don't even like Whoppers - I am sitting here blogging about how sedentary I am while shoving candy I don't even like into my gaping maw. Is this what rock bottom feels like?

I Hate Stumps!!

I wouldn't hate planning the Employee Banquet so much if I could just get everything done my way. Having to rely on the COMPLETELY INCOMPETENT BOOBS at Stumps Party (in business since 1926!) is seriously enough to make my head spin. Allow me to share my experience:

• April 5th: I order the personalized invitations and request 2-day shipping. I figure with an RSVP by May 1st, this will be plenty of time to receive them and send them to guests. I am then notified that my order will ship on April 12th. I call Customer Service to inquire about the reason it will take 8 frickin days to ship my invitations, and I'm told "because they are personalized, we need to print them and we can't speed up that process. They will ship the 12th, and because you ordered 2-day shipping, you'll get them on the 14th." Fair enough.
• April 12: I receive an email from Stumps saying that the paper used for my invitations isn't in stock, so the new shipping date is April 18th. WTF. Cute that they didn't tell me this before, considering this is now 8 days after placing my order. They tell me this on the day it's supposed to leave their warehouse. I believe the email said something like, "Your order will ship April 18th and will arrive April 20th." So I call Customer Service yet again and I say, "Nooo, you will overnight them to me considering this is all your fault you STUPID ASSES." Ok, I didn't say that last part but I wanted to. They agreed to overnight it on their dime and I proceeded to wait for the new ship date as patiently as possible.
• April 18th: At 3pm I notice these invitations still haven't shipped and I start to get worried. I call Customer Service and they assure me that they have until 7pm to ship all orders, and her computer is showing that "it should go out today." Well it should have gone out two effing weeks ago, but I'm not one to hold grudges. 
• April 19th, 8am: check my order status for the invitations. Didn't ship. Mother of God, they didn't ship. I need these damn invitations because "RSVP by May 1st" isn't allowing our guests much time to reply and we're going to look like idiots if these people get their invitations late. I call Customer Service and ask them why. The woman I am talking to can't provide me with a reason as to why they didn't ship, just that "her computer is showing that they should have gone out yesterday." I know they should have gone out yesterday, that's why I'm calling you, you imbecile. She assures me that she will send an email to the barbarians in the warehouse and tell them to ship it to me ASAP, and "she is there until 3:30 and will keep a close eye on it throughout the day."
• April 19th, 12pm: I call again and ask them if they have heard anything. She says she has not, but she will send another email to the warehouse. I say, "Can't you just call the warehouse instead of sending them an email? Or physically move your body down to the warehouse and watch them put it on the truck?" Her answer is no, she can only send emails.
• April 19th, 1:30pm: I call Customer Service and request to speak to a manager. The rep I was talking to paused for a full five seconds before asking, ".......is there a problem?" I explained the entire situation to her and said, "I know it's not your fault so I really don't want to scream at you. That is why I want to speak to someone above you because I know the Customer Service Representatives are not at the top of the food chain at a party planning company." She did not give me a manager, and instead told me, "My computer is showing your invitations should ship today." 
• April 19th, 3pm: I receive a call from Customer Service telling me the reason it hadn't shipped was because the paper had been on backorder. For that matter, that paper is still on backorder, meaning my invitations haven't even printed yet. I say, "Just so we're clear, I was told on the 12th that the paper was on backorder and I was given a new shipping date, the 18th. That was yesterday. So I guess they gave me a new shipping date completely pulled out of thin air, because I assumed the new date was given based on the fact that the paper would be in stock by then. And now it's the 19th and the only reason I was even informed of this is because I have spent my entire day hounding you." She just apologized and thanked me for not yelling at her. I asked her where they were located. She said they were based in Indiana. I told her I was just curious, but I was really asking because I wanted to see how difficult it would be to drive there and either 1) pick the invitations up myself, or 2) attack all Stumps employees. Instead I just cancelled the order.

This has literally driven me clinically insane. Dealing with these people is like pulling your teeth out one by one with a pair of rusty pliers. And it hasn't ended with the invitations, not by a long shot. I still had ANOTHER pending order with these people, that was set to ship April 22nd. Here's how the rest of the week panned out for me:

• April 20th: I call Customer Service and tell them that my online order status for the invitations still says "In the Warehouse" when it should say "Cancelled." She assures me they are cancelled and the credit card hasn't been charged. "It just takes a while for the online status to update."
• April 21st: I call Customer Service and say, "I had a lot of issues with an order that was eventually cancelled completely, so I am worried that my other order set to ship tomorrow will not go smoothly. I just want to make sure nothing is on backorder and everything is still sent to ship." She assures me nothing is on backorder and everything will be fine.
• April 22nd: I get an email from Stumps saying my order was shipped and they give me a UPS tracking number. HOT DAMN!! I scroll down to continue reading the email and, hold the phone, only half the order was shipped. What a plot twist. I saw this coming a mile away, did I not? I call them and say, "I see that my order was shipped, but only half of it. Where is the other half?" And at first the woman didn't even know what I was talking about because her computer wasn't showing it had been shipped. Once she figured her shit out she said, "Well sometimes even if it's the same order, we send them in more than one shipment." That made some semblance of sense, considering these were two completely different items I had just happened to order at the same time, so I accepted this rationale. She assured me that they have until 7pm to send all items for the day, and most of the time they go out around that time. Very well.

Today is April 23rd and I am at home, on a Saturday, and shouldn't be thinking about what the people at Stumps Party in Indiana are doing. Lo and behold, I check my work email and there is nothing in my inbox to signify that the other half of my order was sent. I check my order status on their website and there is nothing there to signify my order was sent. I. Have. Had It. I rattled off an email (after trying to call them but they don't work Saturdays) and here is what I said:

The other half of that order, W1425250-0101, was supposed to ship 4/22 and it did not. I have talked to you all approximately 20 times regarding this other half of the other and all anyone tells me is, "It should go out on 4/22." I don't understand why it is so difficult for you all to ship things on time, because this is not the first issue I've had with you, but if that arch does not arrive on Tuesday 4/26 like it is supposed to I am requesting it be overnighted and my shipping cost be fully refunded. It is really not that difficult to send packages on time, especially considering "you have been in business since 1926," so I want a reason it was not shipped.

I am sorry for being so rude, but I really have had to call Stumps five times a day wondering why things haven't shipped and inquiring about the status of my orders. With my other party invitations order, I was told after hounding your poor Customer Service reps a million times that they hadn't even been printed yet two days after they were supposed to be shipped. This is unacceptable and I want the other half of this current order shipped NOW, considering they were supposed to be shipped yesterday and weren't. WHY don't things ship on time with Stumps?!

She wrote me back saying something along the lines of, "Sorry your order didn't ship on time. We trust our warehouse to ship things on the dates they are due but that doesn't always happen. I'll get this shipped to you 4/25." I swear on everything good and holy in this world, I will be plotting all weekend how to unleash the gates on Hell on these people if 4/26 rolls around and I don't have a confirmation email saying my order shipped. The Banquet is not until May 12th so I have some time to get this other part of the order in, but I hate waiting until the last minute. This Banquet is a big deal and I am spearheading it and if something goes wrong it comes down on me and I look like a big fart. If my name is on something it will be done well and I don't care how many Customer Service representatives I need to harass.

In case you're wondering, we found cheaper and better looking invitations elsewhere, so most have already been mailed to guests. That much is at least taken care of. Luckily, everything else is falling into place quite well: decorations are purchased, food is secure, band is booked, etc. etc. All I'm waiting on is this damn order and then all that will be left is decorating the day before. Maybe buy some balloons and stuff like that. I really enjoy this type of stuff but I can't imagine being a full-time party planner because having to rely on other people to get the job done is infuriating! I'm too Type A for this - I'm a firm believer in, "If you want something done right you need to do it yourself." Well I can't do this myself, I need to rely on the livestock working at Stumps Party, so I am going to stress until the Banquet is OVER and went down without a hitch. 


IN THE MEANTIME! We have another little shindig to plan that occurs a mere 2 days before the Banquet: the Spring Fling. I have stressed far less over this, considering it's only 3 hours long and occurs on the lawn right outside the hospital, but I've still had to secure a moon bounce rental and make sure everyone on the Activities Committee is doing their part to get things like crafts for the kids, a face painter, and goodie bags for them to take home. Thank God I have a dependable group of people helping me on this (if any of them were completely worthless I'd tell them to quit and go work for Stumps). So thank you, God, for my coworkers who I can rely on!

Our First Week

We have officially been living in our new apartment for a whole week, and I am proud to say all the big stuff is done. Nick has put together all the furniture and we have picked up our love seat, making the apartment a tolerable living space. There are still a couple of boxes lying around but most of that is kitchen stuff, because our poor kitchen has been neglected as we scrambled to get the bedroom and living room somewhat decent. So we need some more kitchen storage, that much is apparent. 


I felt bad for Nick, having to assemble all the furniture. But then I talked myself out of feeling bad, considering it was my money that bought all of it... so the least he could do was put it together, right? I attempted to help him but when I screwed a piece of wood on the nightstand backwards, he banned me from helping for the rest of the night. He would feel sorry for me sometimes and ask me if I wanted to help him, and then he'd give me something easy to do. Essentially, I was about as helpful as a newborn baby in the whole process. But at least I offered to assist him. It's not my fault if I'm really bad at assisting. So now the only thing that looms over our heads is decorating. We need a bathroom set, some vases and picture frames and pillows for the living room, new bedding, lamps, new computer chairs, and more kitchen storage. That's still a lot of stuff :-\ But at least we have places to sit to watch TV, and our computers are hooked up and at their respective desks.


In the meantime, Nick has been preparing for his Senior Show. He has been stressing about it but his stuff was great and the show (which was last night) was really fun. There was tons and tons and tons of people there, which surprised me (not that I thought it was going to be a dud or anything, I just wanted expecting the place to exceed it's maximum capacity). He had asked me to make cupcakes for the show, since most people were responsible for bringing a food of some sort to feed to masses, and I had agreed. Mind you he asked me this months ago, when I had no idea this would all fall during Moving Week. So I had to make 50 cupcakes (two different flavors, mind you) while the apartment is still in disarray, and it was a challenge, but I got it done and they were delicious. The first was Brown Sugar Pound Cake with my ever-famous buttercream (I felt I could use the buttercream since it tastes more like whipped cream... not too heavy alongside the pound cake), and my Chocolate Devil's Food with chocolate buttercream. The chocolate/chocolate combination was a bit more popular than the brown sugar but they all got eaten within the first hour of the show. So I'd say they were a success. I think it's more because they stood out among the chips with dip, meatballs, and cheese/pepperoni platters (although those meatballs were good, and we were given the leftovers).


But the week hasn't gone by without issues: our toilet needed to be completely replaced because the old one could barely flush and then it would run for like 10 minutes, and our bathroom sink needed to be snaked because it was clogged to the point where you literally couldn't use it. Because Landlord doesn't like to fix things correctly the first time because she's a cheap biotch, she attempted to have her handyman fix both the toilet and the sink before deciding they were both completely effed and went about doing it the right way. I'm so glad she called in actual plumbers to fix the sink because if I saw that handyman walk in with a pipe snake I'd know there would be no end in sight. So luckily all of that is now taken care of (despite Roto Rooter having to cancel their appointment with us on Wendesday because of a flood at a McDonald's...?) 


Anyway, I think we'll go shopping today and I'll spend even more of my money on decorating this place. Wish me luck.   

I Am Still Recovering From Moving Day

Mother of God. Horrible weekend. Saturday was even worse than I anticipated, if that's even possible. It started bright and early and around 10am I was helping the guy across the hall load his uHaul. Mind you, I have had zero contact with this person until the day I was heaving all his crap into a van and encouraging him to get out faster. So that was sufficiently awkward, and it was made even more awkward by the fact that our landlord and her husband were in every single room immediately after all the furniture was out, bleaching and scrubbing and painting. While it may sound as though all her cleaning was a kind act on her part, don't be fooled - she was only doing this so she could keep an eye on all our progress and would yell at us if we stopped moving shit to take a drink of water. 


So the first guy wasn't out until 12:45 or so (which made Landlord extremely frustrated, saying things like, "He should have been out days ago!" Well then I guess you shouldn't have told him to be out by noon today, ya damn moron). Girl upstairs, whose apartment we have since moved into, couldn't start moving down  until the first guy's apartment was empty. So technically she didn't start moving until 1ish, and I was assisting with that, too. She's a nice girl but she just has so much stuff - and all little stuff, like tiny rocks and herby things and bird feathers (because she's into all that) so it took a lifetime to move her down. Please keep in mind that I had been walking up and down stairs carrying very heavy loads of absolutely everything for almost 3 hours by the time she even started her move, and I continued helping her until around 4pm when Nick came back from his Graphic Design event. Then we started on our apartment.


Our apartment was a breeze compared to other ones, likely due to all the junk the other two apartments were filled with. Everything was up by 7pm but Nick and I were busy unloading things from boxes and trying to calm the cats down til around 10, when we finally took showers and washed our bad attitudes away. We didn't get to sleep until midnight and the apartment was still in complete disarray - boxes of crap as far as the eye could see, our clothing in trash bags, computer cords everywhere - it was disgusting and I seriously couldn't even handle looking at it. 


Sunday rolled around and not much progress was made on the apartment because we had a funeral to get to by 3pm. After the funeral we were at Nick's dad's place until finally getting back here at 10pm. At this point I had already asked for Monday off because this was just way too much chaos for one weekend and the thought of going back to work at 8am Monday was the last thing I wanted to do. 


So, today is Monday and we both have sore legs from lifting and carrying and going up and down endless flights of stairs, but we got a lot done today. First it was off to Value City furniture to get a loveseat I had been eyeing (not the yellow couch I had previously blogged about). This one is a light blue/aqua microfiber and I think it'll be absolutely perfect in our living room. Then it was two hours down the road to Ikea, where I dropped $1600 on the following:

• Book shelf
• TV stand
• Coffee table
• 2 nightstands
• 2 desks
• Dresser
• Mirror
  

...and the loveseat made my grand total $2,000. That's a lot of money in one day but considering all we got, I don't think I'll have to dip into my savings account anymore. The rest is all decorative stuff, plus a bathroom set and new bedding, but that can just come out of my regular budget without the stash being touched any further. It's going to be gorgeous - the living room is all white furniture while the bedroom is a dark black/brown and the wheels in my head are already turning and thinking about color schemes. Right now the only real color I need to work around is the blue loveseat, considering everything else is a neutral. Should be interesting! I'll post pictures when things are half presentable.

It's Moving Day, It's Moving Day!

Well, not yet. Tomorrow is. And, in case I've never mentioned it before, our landlord is psychotic. I'm actually pretty positive she's bipolar. One minute it's "Hey girlfrienddd!" and the next it's "I DON'T HAVE TIME TO DEAL WITH YOUR F*CKING PARKING PERMIT!" 


With that said, today I talked to her about moving tomorrow. Because she is rational, she actually thinks three groups of people are going to play musical apartments in one day. She thinks the first guy is going to move out by noon, girl upstairs is moving into first guy's apartment just a few hours later, and Nick and I are going to be upstairs shortly after that. In addition, our friends Andy and Heather will be moving in to our apartment by the evening. What planet does she live on that time stands still and we would actually have enough minutes in a day to do all this? I know our apartment is small but we actually have a lot of stuff - we have definitely jammed every nook and cranny of this apartment full of stuff. That's part of the reason why I'm so happy we are getting more space; I am so sick of having everything stacked on top of everything else. Because we have so much stuff (and not that many boxes to put stuff in), it may take us a while to move everything upstairs. It's going to be a lot of trips up and down before all the little stuff is completely out and we can start moving the big pieces of furniture (and the cats are the last things we pack). 


I got the vibe from the landlord that she wants me to start moving things upstairs while the upstairs girl moves downstairs. I'm not ok with that. It's a narrow staircase, people, I don't want to be traipsing up and down with my boxes of random crap while they are trying to clean her stuff out. On top of all that, the landlord and her little handyman are going to be present during all of this. As in: in the building, watching everyone move and going in after them to see how much money she can get out of accusing us of dinging the walls. I don't want her scrubbing my shower as I move out. Quite honestly, I don't see why she needs to be here at all, considering we're all adults who are perfectly capable of handling this on our own.


We all got together tonight to discuss our game plan. Guy across the hall from us is supposed to be out by noon (we'll see if he actually follows through on that). Then girl upstairs can start moving downstairs. She has a lot of stuff so I don't think she'll be done before nightfall. I pretty much refuse to move half our stuff upstairs while we remain downstairs, so I basically don't even want to start moving until Sunday morning so we can hopefully get it done by Sunday night. So girl upstairs can have all of Saturday, and we get all of Sunday. Our friends who are moving in after us can do so at any point during the week, and they said they really don't have any furniture anyway. Sounds like a perfectly sensible plan to me, but I'm sure Landlord will have her own agenda. If she knocks on my door and starts cleaning before I even start moving, I may very well kick her ass out until I'm good and ready to do this. Nick doesn't even get home until 3pm because he is doing something for school from 8am-2pm, so I definitely won't be getting much done without him. 


Add to all of this the fact that we have to leave for his uncle's funeral around 1:45 Sunday to be there by 3, and we won't be back until 6 - it's going to be a CRAZY weekend and I'm pretty sure I'm going to hate every minute of it. I'm crossing my fingers Landlord keeps quiet and understands that she really can't hurry this process, because running at the mouth all weekend isn't going to make us move any faster. I wish she wasn't such a lunatic.