My Birchbox is Here, My Birchbox is Here!

... my Birchobox is here! I literally just ripped it open and I am already on here to tell about its contents :-) 

1) & 2) AHAVA Mineral Hand Cream: "A mineral-rich salve that softens and smoothes without any residue. Its smells pretty darn fresh, too" + AHAVA Dermud Foot Cream. Full-size retails for $20.00. I can vouch for the part about it smelling fresh... I tried it out immediately and it is definitely a purse-stuffer, as I develop a twitch when I'm not within arm's reach of lotion or lip balm. I haven't tried out the foot cream yet (I'll wait until after my shower tomorrow morning) but I always lotion my feet after a shower, so we'll see how it compares to my usual.

3) Laura Geller Spackle Tinted Under Makeup Primer in Bronze: "This hydrating primer gives you flawless foundation for makeup - plus a subtle glow. It works on all skin tones - we tested it!" Can I emphasize enough how much this excites me? You'd think with my makeup obsession I would own makeup primer, wouldn't you? I keep meaning to buy it but I just haven't yet (we'll chalk it up to my already-flawless skin not needing it). I am very eager to try this out tomorrow morning (after the shower, after the application of my other creams of course). Good thing it works on all skin tones, because I am so fair I usually recoil if you approach me with a product that has "bronze" in the name. Here's hoping!

4) Ouidad Moisture Lock Leave-In Conditioner: "This light treatment infuses hair with antioxidants and vitamins, then seals strands to keep moisture in and humidity out." This I am going to save for a day when I go curly. I was too lazy didn't have time to straighten my hair pretty much all summer, and now I am starting to get back into it. I remember back in the day I hadn't gone a moment without straight hair for years in succession, but now I like to give it a break every now and then. Anyway: I have my own hair-straightening products that I like to use (like the Miracle Leave-In by It's a 10... that stuff is manufactured on an assembly line run by angels) so I usually don't use conditioner on days when I'm going to straighten. Combining conditioner in the shower with It's a 10 results in borderline-oily hair. So on a day when I go curly I'll be sure to try this Ouidad out.

5) Juno Transformative Lipid Serum: "Celebs and models swear by this luxe cocktail of 13 essential oils, which absorbs instantly to replenish, firm, and protect skin." I hope I hate this stuff because I can't handle falling in love with a miracle serum that costs $125.00 for a full-size bottle. If you look at the includes it's literally just a mash-up of 13 oils. They weren't kidding. I'll try a pump tonight before bed.

All the reviews I've read of Birchbox are good. Some are die-hard Birchbox enthusiasts while others day you need to give it a new months before you get a really good box. I'm satisfied with my first box - it's an easy $10.00 and it's something to look forward to each month. This box seemed to be filled with skincare items, which is fine, but I am so excited to open up a box and have some cosmetics in there ;-)

Me: Let's clean the apartment when I'm done with my homework, yeah?
Nick: I helped last time.
Me: If we both do it, it's done in 45 minutes.
Nick: Yes but if only you do it, I get to continue doing nothing while you clean.


Love him.

If This Doesn't Make You Happy, There's Something Wrong With You

A Weekend Without School Work!

I feel so incomplete not having volumes to read this weekend, it's like some sort of miracle. I was explicitly told by the teacher that I don't need to hole myself up in the bedroom for 48 hours to read the ridiculous amount of pages he usually assigns, but it still feels like I'm slacking off or missing something. I'm sure I'll get over it.


Yesterday at work was complete insanity. I clocked in at 8am, received my first mission at 8:05, and didn't stop working and running around the hospital like a chicken with my head cut off until 4:25. I then clocked out at 4:30 and said a little prayer to God, thanking him that it was over (but I did get it all done, which means I'm the best worker ever and/or some sort of hero). Anyway, to recuperate, Nick and I went to my favorite shopping center ever: the one that features a Target, a Bed Bath and Beyond, a Michaels, and a TJ Maxx (among many other things, but these were of the most interest to me). Buying things sometimes makes me feel better when I'm all wound up, and last night's retail therapy was exactly what I needed to calm down.


We ordered a new bedset over Labor Day weekend and it just arrived a couple days ago. We couldn't put it on the bed as soon as it came in because we needed new sheets and Euro pillows and all that jazz, and I just didn't have the energy to wrestle with it after work during the week. But with the new bed comes the knowledge that the cats will want to ruin it like they did the last one, so not only did I need to buy new sheets but I wanted some sort of blanket to lay across the bottom of it for them to lay on (as cute as it is when they kneed and get comfortable, my comforter usually suffers the consequences). I don't think you should own animals if you don't like them enough to let them on the furniture, so I was willing to make the extra purchase.


The bed looks fabulous, by the way. There are so many decorative pillows I don't even know what to do with myself. I like it like that, though - makes it look more like a real bed when you have expensive-looking, no-purpose-serving accent pillows. The good news is that it did come with the ottoman you see in the picture, and we are able to shove the little pillows in there at night (in addition to the 3 the set came with, we also had two from our old set that match this one perfectly, one is beige and one is white). I've tried about 2000 times to take a decent picture of the bed with my Blackberry but it never comes out right, so just trust that it looks nice. The only thing that's killing me are the wrinkles that are in the comforter from having been shoved in that box during shipping. I refuse to buy a hand steamer for this so I'm sure hoping they release over time. Do they?


I also have been wanting to make these coasters and haven't had the chance to even buy the supplies before this weekend, so I was able to get that out of the way. Now I just have to make them. Nick convinced me to buy scrapbook paper that I'm not sure I love but we'll see how they turn out. The paper is like  50 cents per sheet so it's not a big deal if I need to go get more, but I'd rather not have to trek back over the Michael's. So cross your fingers they turn out ok. I usually have decent luck with DIY projects just because I'm crafty by nature, I just never have the time to fine-tune my craftiness - so if these suck I'm blaming the fact that I'm out of practice.


AND! I discovered a little site called Birchbox that I can't believe I hadn't heard of before this weekend. I discovered it on another blog I read (It's the Small Things, you're welcome for the free advertising) and I trust her judgment because she is cute and stylish and seems to appreciate other cute and stylish things. So it didn't take long for me to sign up, and now I just have to wait and anxiously anticipate my first box. I read some other online reviews before joining, just to make sure it would be worth the $10/month, and it sounds like it's worth a try. Especially considering you can cancel at any time with no charge. Trust me I'll be posting pictures of my first box as soon as it arrives (which should be around my birthday)! Good timing.


Besides all that, I have lounged in my pajamas, painted my toes, watched a movie with Nick, cuddled with Daisy, listened to Ty whine all afternoon because he's such a glutton that he ate his entire day's worth of food before 11am, and avoided doing housework =) A low-key weekend indulging in tiny little activities I never have time to do otherwise is totally what I needed.

Rain, Rain, Go the Hell Away!

I want to start by declaring that the weather we've been having lately is complete bullshit. I am so sick of driving in torrential down pours. It has rained hard every day for the past two weeks and I'm so over it. 


Last week I had to sit in my car, in the dark, in the rain, while construction workers repaved the road on my way home from class. I stayed in one spot for 20 minutes waiting for that jerk to flip his little sign from "STOP" to "SLOW." Then, I learned to detour through a residential neighborhood to avoid the road repaving (though I hate that because it makes me nervous I'll hit a cat or something as karma for illegally using a neighborhood as a through-street), only to be stopped when I was 10 minutes away from home because of a fallen tree. I had to turn around and join the caravan of people maneuvering their way through neighborhoods that my Blackberry's map app didn't even recognize. My class gets out at 8:50 and I didn't get home until 10 that night! (Side note: I get filled with rage when I am lost and Google Maps keeps telling me to turn around and get on the main road I can not get on. It's too stupid to have a re-route button for instances when the main road isn't a friggin option). 


Cut to this past Tuesday when the air conditioner was broken in our building and our classroom was so damn hot I was dripping sweat 20 minutes into the class. The professor let us out early was because he said he felt too guilty watching the pregnant chick in the front row swelter to death. Had there not been a pregnant woman in the room who knows what would have happened to all of us. He decided to call it a night at 7:10 and I was stoked out of my mind that I was going to get home at a decent hour and actually take a shower before going to bed (I used to think taking showers was just a part of civilized existence but I've come to learn that, when you don't get home until 9:30 and your goal is to be asleep by 10:15 and then up at 6:15, that shit's not happening). Back to the point: as soon as he throws it out there that he is going to let us leave, the Evangelical Christian girl in our class (the one that cried, remember her?) speaks up and says, "I'll give you til 7:30." What are you doing!?! What kind of douche-canoe OFFERS TO STAY IN CLASS AN EXTRA TWENTY MINUTES FOR NO REASON?! The teacher put it to a vote:


Teacher: Who is willing to stay til 7:30 and then head home?
Whole class except for me: *raises hands*
Teacher: Who wants to leave right this second?
Me: *raises hand*


He then gave me a half-assed apology for being outnumbered and there I sat until 7:30. Mind = blown. I can't even wrap my head around why she would volunteer to stay longer when he was perfectly happy with letting us go home. Maybe it's for the Bible tells her so. At least we didn't have the rest of the class outside. That was another proposal. I would have outright refused. I don't sit on grass. Anyway, cut to the very next night and the AC is still broken. I walk into the classroom damned and determined to drop the fact that our other professor let us leave early because of these despicable learning conditions. My Wednesday professor entertained the thought for a little while but decided to just open the doors in the back of the room, instead. Same thing as letting us leave, right?


Mind you, Wednesday I drove to class in a storm so violent I was 6 inches away from the windshield the entire ride, cursing my wipers for not having a speed faster than their current maximum. I swore I was going to pull over every 30 seconds to let the storm pass but then I was too worried traffic would be worse by the time I got closer to town and I'd be late for class. The highway is white so it was literally impossible to see the lines on the road... driving in weather like that stresses me out so much. I try not to slow down too much, though - I don't want to be one of those tools who rides their breaks while everyone else is trying to get down the road. I figure if I just keep going I'll get through it quicker. I always get wrapped so tightly that I look like some old woman behind the wheel, one of those "get off my lawn!" old women. I'm always sure to flick off the people that pass me without any lights on, and then I remember they can't see me because it's raining so hard that, from the inside of my car, it looks like I'm sitting in a car wash (seriously, though, who forgets to turn their lights on in all that rain)?


Whatever: so the back doors to the classroom are wide open in an attempt to cool the room down. It cooled down, alright. It was storming SO HARD outside and it was so windy that the rain was literally flying into the classroom and hitting me in the back of the head. I am in the second row. These doors are in the back of the room. I was getting stormed on and I was in a building. I kept glancing backward and glaring at the trees outside that were blowing sideways, as though they were going to catch on to the fact I was annoyed and apologize to me for being blown around in the storm. It wasn't their fault they were being blown around, nor was it their fault my stupid teacher wanted to keep the doors open. My friend who sits next to me (also getting stormed on) finally decided to get up and shut the door. She waded her way back to her seat in the inch-or-so of water that had accumulated on the floor. My professor is really too much of a hippie for it to dawn on him that opening the doors was a stupid fucking idea, and my friend actually got some nasty glances from our classmates as she shut the door. Seriously, what is wrong with these people? Sometimes I just want to go over to some of them and smack them in the face with my binder. Just one by one: smack, smack, smack. That'll show 'em!


We weren't dismissed early that night, so it was another evening consisting of driving home on a two-lane road in the pouring rain without a shred of daylight left. Did I mention I had forgotten my umbrella in the car earlier that day when I was at work? So before all this ever happened I had to clock out of work and run to my car in the rain just to go to class, where I was rained on some more. I did bring my umbrella into class with me, though. I should have opened it when I was getting hit in the back of the head with rain drops. It would have served as a symbolic binder-smack in the face to everyone who took offense to it :-) 

This Pretty Much Sums It Up

I like to think I have calmed down a little bit since my last post. If I think about all I have ahead of me I have a panic attack (which is ironic considering the chapter I read today is about anxiety disorders) so my friends and I have agreed we'll just need to take it one week at a time. It's necessary to salvage our sanity.


However, I need to vent a little bit about the dynamics within the classroom. I was told by a couple other women I know who graduated from this program that things are awkward, at first, between the Advanced Standing students and the students that had to go through the first year of the program. They all said it just had something to do with them already knowing one another and the Advanced Standing students having a newbie complex, so it all takes some getting used to on everybody's part. Well, "awkward" is the understatement of the century, because there is some major fuckery going down in my classes. After 2 weeks of class, here are my observations: 

1. It bugs me none of them graduated from college with a degree in Social Work and now they can get their MSW without any prior knowledge or degree in the profession at all. When I was an undergrad, I had to sit through all those classes that I felt would never impact me or my future career because they were all just requirements for the University to keep its accreditation. Now that I'm in the workforce, I actually practice what was preached to me all those years and it totally paid off. I'm trying to use it all as I go into my Master's program and I'm thinking it's already helping me a little bit. All these people who graduated with psychology and sociology degrees just don't know what it's like. They're not Social Workers, they just have jobs that they consider close enough to have decided they want a Social Work degree. I know I sound like a brat, and I'm sure I'll struggle just like the rest of them, but I just don't see how an entire undergraduate program is somehow equivalent to the one year's worth of Social Work classes these people went through last year. How is that the same thing at all? 
2. You can cut the tension with a knife. They don't like us and we don't like them. Some are tolerable and friendly enough, but others are annoying, opinionated, and argumentative, and it's crystal clear they aren't exactly welcoming us into their little group. Not that any of us care, because our little group of 5 is perfectly happy remaining a little group of 5. We didn't enroll because we wanted to make friends with the people we'll never interact with after graduation. But it still makes for uncomfortable classes because everything we say gets picked apart and over-analyzed by some argumentative bitch on the other side of the room. As a result, we end up keeping our mouths shut as they all voice their opinions on various topics they don't know much about.
3. Isn't it funny how, when you don't know people very well, you just associate them with the few things you do know and that first impression just sticks to them forever? A lot of it is based on appearances but some of them are based off the bits and pieces of their personality that has come through in the measly 6 hours I've known of their existence. Here are some examples:
• Girl in front of me was a political science major in school, so I consider this a radical career-change for her. That, and she has curly hair that SHE BRUSHES. Rule #1 of having curly hair: don't brush that shit.
• Two women have Autistic kids. These women have bonded because of that fact alone. One of these women really really really likes to talk about having an Autistic kid.
• One will always be known as Girl with Pink Hair, because dammit, she has pink hair.
• Another is Leader of the Masters Program and wants everyone to know that she is the go-to-girl for any and all questions or concerns throughout our time in grad school. She wrote her personal cell number on the board during orientation. We haven't figured out if she was somehow appointed as the Leader by the professors, or if she's just the type to elect herself for things like that. It would probably be really useful if she wasn't just as scared and clueless as the rest of us. I have also learned that she commutes from Pennsylvania, and last class she started crying because she thinks  Social Workers discriminate against Christians. 
• The one guy in our class always walks into the classroom 45 minutes late.
• Another student identified herself as a Steeler's fan so that's how I'll identify her forever.
• One girl was at the very first class and I haven't seen her since, but she will forever be remembered as "Girl Whose Ponytail is Falling Out"
• One of the older women works with addicts and she is a former addict... so, basically, if you say anything about an addict or an addiction in general, she jumps all over you for being wrong. Because apparently, no one in the world knows addiction like she does. She jumped on me the very first class. We are off to a good start. For the longest time I tried to pinpoint what it was about her face that was so unusual, and then I realized she had a mouth just like Wallace from Wallace and Gromit.

Say what you want, but it's impossible not to associate people with that superficial bullshit until you really get to know them. And these people don't want to really get to know us, so I guess the little bits of their personality I pick up on will be how I think of them until I graduate. I'm not trying to be mean, but if you sit in a room full of people you don't know, you have to pick up on something to decipher one from the other. If it's not physical appearance, it's something they said or revealed about themselves. I'm probably known as "Girl Who Wears Scrubs to Class." In general, it's just not a friendly environment. You can tell they have chips on their shoulders because they were there last year and we weren't, but we have chips on our shoulders because we are Social Workers who know two shits about the profession and they don't.


The classes themselves are very different, also. My class on Tuesdays is much, much, much more interesting than my class on Wednesdays. Tuesday night is Psychopathology (aka: abnormal psychology) and I learn all about the different mental disorders, mental health treatments, and the theories behind how and why some people have mental health problems. It's interesting and relevant to my future, considering I'll be doing psych assessments on patients with my degree. Time flies by during class and I get to listen to actual facts that I can take notes on and study. Not a lot of discrepancy to be had when you're listening to facts (though the girl who brushes her curly hair did question the definition of the word "stigma." Definitions aren't up for interpretation, chickadee, they're definitions).


My Wednesday class is equivalent to sucking your own brain out with a crazy straw. It is everything I hate about class rolled into three long, torturous hours. Rather than giving me concrete information I can take home and study, this class is 'all about the discussion!' I think there is a time and place for "discussion," and sometimes that discussion can be very beneficial and enlightening. Other times, I sit there questioning whether the professor even had a lesson plan at all. Unless our tests are about the difficulties the girl across from me has faced leaving her small, country town where she had never seen a black person, I'm not down with 'discussion.' This class is Human Behavior in the Social Environment, which is a continuation of the exact same class I took in undergrad. I don't remember it being this stupid. So far all we have managed to talk about is race and discrimination, and we have filled countless minutes listening to the Chatty Cathies in our class talk about times in their lives when they felt discriminated against (that's when the Evangelical Christian started crying and the mother of the Autistic kid talked some more about being the mother of an Autistic kid). I learned about White Privilege, and discovered that you are not only racist for taking advantage of White Privilege, you are also racist if you deny the existence of White Privilege, because that just means you take it for granted. And while I like the professor as a human being in general, his teaching style blows. He is so up in the air he couldn't even describe our assignment in a way my friends and I could understand. It was something like, "Well, I wrote down that assignment was due on September 14th, but do you really want it due then? We can always change it. I wrote down the requirements for the paper but you can always change them around if you want, and there's no length requirement. Is September 14th too early? We can delay it a week if you want. How does everyone feel about this assignment?" JUST TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO DO AND WHEN IT NEEDS TO BE DONE. That shit drives my friends and I CRAZY (but the rest of the class is fine with it because, "oh, they had him last year"). I'm telling you: it's ugly in there. Institutes of higher learning can be a dangerous place late at night. I'm not even being cynical - all the girls I am familiar with and do the majority of my associating with just look at each other during class with expressions that read, "what the Hell was that about?"


It bums me out I've had to turn down all baking offers from coworkers (how's that for a complete lack of segue?). The Katy Shop is shut down for an indefinite period of time. I had to cancel the bridal shower cookies I would have made for tomorrow (had I been going home, which I can't do because I have relinquished all personal freedoms), I had to cancel the monster-truck themed birthday cookies for my coworker's son, I'm unable to bake cupcakes for our coworker's birthday, and I had to tell the Director of Nursing that I am unable to bake cupcake favors for some nursing appreciation thing she's doing in two weeks. It's so depressing! Baking is something I enjoy doing and I literally can't until Christmas break (when I will undoubtedly make so many Christmas cookies I'll likely be glad I can't bake again until next year's Christmas). 


Yesterday, Nick and I went out to dinner. You never appreciate little things that are normal to so many other couples until you don't do those things ever. I know I live with him but it was good to spend time with him outside the confines of our apartment, talking about work and doting on the cats (speaking of the cats, I bought them a new cat tower yesterday after work and seeing how excited they got made my life). I'm celebrating Labor Day by not laboring at all on Monday, so the long weekend is allowing me to space out my reading for school so I have some more time to relax. Today I split my time reading and watching Just Go With It (which is cute but predictable), and tomorrow I am devoting to laundry and more reading. Hopefully all school stuff is done by Monday so I can truly veg out. My friend who is still in school asked me to accompany her to the store because she needs a new wardrobe for student teaching (and she is bad at that sort of thing, so she says) so maybe that'll be part of my Monday. Who knows! All I do know is that this blog is way too long.

Whining.

Week 1 of grad school is over and I'm already feeling hopeless and sorry for myself. While the material is challenging (obviously) it's the time commitment that is horrifying in every way. I just can't wrap my head around working full time, attending classes until 9:00pm two nights a week, reading 200 pages of material in my free time (literally, that's my assignment by next week), and eventually I'll need to fit 24 hours of internship in there, too. I kind of want to kill myself, and I can't help but wonder how the hell it's even possible.


I kind of find comfort in knowing everyone else is overwhelmed and terrified just like I am, but it doesn't help knowing I actually need to suck it up and do this. I know "two years will fly by!" but considering I'm only a week in and I'm depressed already, it's hard to see the silver lining. I've always been the kind of person who looks toward the future instead of being one of those instant gratification-types, so I keep reminding myself that that is the reason I am doing this. I need my Masters Degree so I can move up in the world and make more money. Two years is nothing in the grand scheme of life and by the time I turn 27 it will already be over. I'll just repeat that over and over again until I'm blue in the face and hopefully I'll get used to the fact that I have no free time whatsoever for the next 700-some days.


I have come to grips with the fact that my cookie-making days are temporarily OVER. Before classes started I figured, "First semester, classes are only Tuesday and Wednesday nights. Surely I can bake and decorate cookies on the weekends!" WRONG. Next weekend I had planned on making bridal shower cookies for my sister's best friend, and bringing them home for the shower to use as favors. Not happening anymore. It makes me sad. It would have served as a 'see mom for her birthday' weekend, too, so I really wish I'd be able to escape overnight to go see everybody. I also had to break a cookie promise with one of my coworkers, who had requested 50 or so for her little man's 4th birthday party. I feel like such a douchebag but there's literally no way I can accommodate fun in any way. Grad school is probably a lot easier when you're taking it online, or when you're just taking classes and they don't require you to get an unpaid part-time job while you work toward your degree. Why is Social Work so damn difficult? School is difficult and the job itself is difficult and no one gives us any effing credit when it's all said and done. This degree better be worth it! I will have to remember to keep calm and have a cupcake (though it'll need to be a store-bought one because I have no time to make them anymore). 


I have started Googling speed-reading. I figure if I'm going to have mounds and mounds and mounds of reading material to get through on every other day of the week, I may as well try to get through it as fast as possible while retaining the information. I read that just following the words with your finger can actually speed up your reading, since your eyes don't stop on every word as they would without the finger. The finger hurries it along without you misunderstanding the content. I tried this, and I find that I move my finger too quickly in an effort to get through it as fast as possible, so I wind up just skimming the text. It doesn't work at all. Then I have to go back and reread it, wasting more time. Then the cats come sit on my book and I don't make them get up, so that wastes more time. I hope I just need some time to get back into the swing of things. Maybe this is just a cruel adjustment period. I have been out of school and working full-time for over a year, and this may just be a rude awakening. I'm not used to having to buckle down and commit myself to material like this, the way I was in undergrad. I do feel lucky that I don't have to accommodate all of this while having to sustain the life of a toddler, though. I don't know how the parents get through this program in one piece. All I have is a boyfriend and two cats (though one of the cats was mad at me for not being here for our nightly routine on the nights I had classes). 


This was a horrible entry. I just needed to vent. My apologies - maybe next time I'll have my act together. Back to reading! 

What I Did This Weekend

First things first: I did bake my Brown(ie) Nosers, and though I haven't eaten one (because the last thing I need in my life right now is a delicous, brown-sugary, caramelly, and chocolatey confection) they smelled amazing and those who have eaten one already were fast fans. I gotta say, the ingredients for these things wracked up one hell of a grocery bill - it required "premium" chocolate (ie: Ghirardelli instead of Hershey's), a glass 10x15 roasting pan that I did not already own (and I figured I may as well get one), and a bunch of other stuff that I probably should have already had in my cupboard but did not. They were time consuming and more complex than I would prefer for a brownie-esque dessert but they turned out as they were supposed to. So I'll trust that they taste as delicious as they look and smell.


Second: I wiki'd Wendy Williams to see if she is really a man. Turns out she's not. Huh.


Third(ly), I watched Source Code, which is a pretty decent flick if you're into those twisty, mind-bending type movies. The ending sparked an argument between Nick and I, which is how I gauge how good a movie was. We bickered pretty hard core on this one, so I give the movie two thumbs up. Whenever a movie's ending is confusing enough to illicit a 15 minute post-movie kerfuffle between he and I, it was a decent watch.


I am proud of myself for having finished two books within the last 30 days - first it was Tina Fey's "Bossypants," (laughed out loud the entire time... even if you hate books by nature you'll like this one), and the one I put down yesterday was Augusten Burrough's "Running with Scissors." I feel like I'm the last person in the world to read "Scissors," so I'm kind of ashamed to say that I just finished it this weekend. Regardless, that's a lot more reading than most of you have done in the last month so I won't get the shame eat at me too much.


Fifth(ly), I bought some last-minute school supplies =( Cue the sad music. I can't stop whining about having to go back to school, it's killing me! It's only 2 classes but the fact my Tuesdays and Wednesdays are RUINED for the next two years is a little depressing. On my class days I am at work from 8-4:30, eat some dinner quickly, then heading up the road to get to class by 6, where I stay until 8:50. Then a 30 minute ride home puts me through the door at 9:30, which is a 13.5 hour day. Two days in a row. I go to sleep at 10:30, when am I going to shower?! Next year I'll have an internship on top of working full time and taking the two classes. That'll really put me on suicide watch! Good times. Good times. 


Anyway, it's getting late and I want to go ahead and pack myself lunch for work tomorrow and go through that whole routine. I wanted to start another book, considering I have several sitting in my living room that I haven't opened yet, but I'm wondering if it's even worth it considering I'm starting school in a few days. If I'm super busy I'll read the first chapter tonight and not look at it again for another 730 days or so. Goddddddd this is so depressingggggg! *stomps feet and holds breath*

I guess my last post about never cooking for Nick made me a little guilty. He's at his dad's house tonight so I decided to make him a little snack for when he returns. It's super easy (and super inexpensive) - just a carton of raspberries *more fruit??!* and a box of cheap-o, no-bake cheesecake filling. I whipped up the cheesecake, shoved the stuff into a piping bag fitted with a star tip, and filled all the raspberries. They're so pretty and it was a cute, quick way to totally negate all the nutritional value of a raspberry =)


Speaking of food, I decided which recipe I am going to attempt this weekend. And I have already promised several coworkers I'll return Monday with goodies in tow so I'd better be able to deliver. 

An Apple Analysis

I am a huge apple-eater (I take "apple a day" very literally) and I've gotta say: lately these apples I've been buying suck big time. They are all such a mealy, disgusting mess. I always steer clear of apples with loose-feeling skin, or all of the Red Delicious variety (because good luck getting a satisfactory Red Delicious). But for the past several weeks I've been biting into my beloved Braeburns expecting the half-sweet, half-tart goodness that I've come to rely on from my apples, and I get a mouth full of tasteless sawdust. It's such a let-down... they are all mealy and it's driving me insane. I know Fall is apple season but this is 2011 and there are some very advanced preservation techniques that are used now; ergo, I'm really not thrilled about all my apples being half rotten when I try to shovel them into my gaping maw.


On top of that hideous texture they all seem to feature now, I've cut into four (count them: FOUR) apples in recent history wherein the seeds were ALREADY SPROUTING INTO APPLE TREES. Seriously, what the hell is going on with my fruit? There is probably some sort of weird, scientific explanation for it - maybe the extremely overripe apple releases some sort of chemical that makes these seeds think they are living in dirt instead of inside the fruit I'm trying to consume, but it makes me mad regardless. I just haven't been having good luck with produce. I never do, really. I usually never eat it fast enough. All my grapes go bad when I still have about 1/3 of the bag left to go (probably because I am busy dividing my time between them and my apples). I usually buy a good looking carton of berries only to bring them home and discover ONE moldy berry at the bottom (and my mind-over-matter isn't strong enough for that. They are considered collectively moldy from that point onward) and I can never go through a bag of salad mix before the edges start browning. I'm just a girl trying to eat healthy! I'm only one person! I can't possibly manage to eat all this fresh food in a timely fashion! (...carrots, however, rarely disappoint me).


In case you were curious: yes, I know I live with a boyfriend who also has a stomach. I know he could contribute to the consumption of all this produce, but his eating habits are so strange:

1. Never eats on a schedule. Some days he'll eat breakfast, other days he "forgets" to eat until I remind him at 3pm that he hasn't done so yet.
2. Tries to eat healthy foods but usually complains about how expensive healthy food is so he resorts to boxes of macaroni and cheese
3. He is not picky in what he eats, but is picky in how he eats it. He'll eat a salad, but only with THIS kind of dressing... 
4. The poor thing is a bad cook. He tries, and the fact I don't cook for him doesn't help much, but he really is terrible. One time he tried to make himself a balanced meal and what ended up on his plate was a filet mignon and Chef Boyardee ravioli. I love him. 

I tell him to help me go through the fruit I buy, but his irregular eating patterns result in him ignoring the fruit altogether for the first several days, then eating 900 grapes in one sitting or 6 Clementine oranges in one day... this results in him being all fruited-out and he doesn't want anymore fruit for several more days. We should really just resort to dried fruit and frozen vegetables from here on out.


In other news, a coworker of mine bought the Cookie Swap book and brought it to work! I have been eyeing (eying?) this book for months now and never purchased it just because I couldn't rationalize my way into buying another cookie book. Not until I justify the cake book I bought myself months ago that I have yet to make anything from. The pictures were so damn pretty I couldn't help myself - the fantasies of myself making such gorgeous cakes were too much for me to handle. Anyway: I'm very happy that she purchased this book and knows me well enough to know I'd appreciate flipping through it, so I went ahead and made myself color copies of all the recipes that jumped out at me. Surprisingly, I wound up with pages full of lots of yummy-looking bars (because I am trying to tell myself that there is a baking world beyond fancily-decorated cakes and sugar cookies). I am not sure if photocopying those pages is entirely legal, but I took my chances. I don't think I have anything going on this upcoming weekend (there are some up-in-the-air plans that may or may not happen), and if they don't happen, I am going to try making something from this new book. Some bars to share with the coworkers or something. We'll see.


  

Yet Again...

...I have failed you. I am so bad at blogging, it's terrible. I used to be on a real blogging kick a few years ago. I was writing all the time - HILARIOUS things, really - and I actually had several readers!! I guess life just gets the best of me these days, what with having a real life now. Back in my blogging prime I was just skipping class and drinking a lot so I really had nothing better to do in my down time. I guess I feel like my mundane "I work 8.5 hours a day" routine just isn't interesting to most people! Oh well. I'll blog for myself, then.


To update you: my back is as good as new, the Banquet (God, it's been that long since my last post???) went wonderfully, as demostrated by this photo of a smiling me and the CAO of the hospital (this was the end of the night... the fact she was smiling is a very good sign)

and I survived the annual Summer Picnic: yet another Activities Committee duty that was a royal pain to put together but was all worth it in the end. Anyway! My next endeavor is grad school, which starts in a measly week and a half =( I am so bummed about this. Getting here hasn't been easy. That is: dealing with WVU and getting all my questions answered, t's crossed, and i's dotted. I guess the first sign that this wasn't going to be an easy process started a year ago, when they sent me a letter saying, "Congratulations! You are starting grad school in the Fall of 2010!" Wrong. I had to call them and correct that little huge mistake because I didn't want them expecting me to show up for classes I am not supposed to be taking the first place.


Fast forward to a few weeks ago, when I saw my tuition fees for the first semester for the first time. I almost seized. A friend of mine finished this program a few years ago, and as a resident of West Virginia, didn't really bat an eye at the cost of tuition. Here I was, staring at a $6000+ bill for the first semester. I died. It was an out of body experience. I was expecting a few grand, sure... but SIX? No no. My goal is to get through graduate school without a loan (be it from Barack or my father) and I certainly do not have $25,000 sitting in my savings account, after having joined the workforce a year ago, waiting to be spent on furthering my education. I called them, was transferred about 10 times to different people, none of whom knew how to handle this,  until I finally reached someone who knew what was going on around her. Apparently that letter I received last summer, the one that mistook me for a 2010 student, is what royally screwed my record. I guess when I applied for grad school I hadn't been a West Virginia resident long enough to be considered for in-state tuition, assuming I'd be starting in '10. Now that it's 2011, I have been a resident long enough for in-state tuition and it just wasn't changed in their computer system. I never thought I'd beg and plead with someone to consider me a resident of West Virginia. Thankfully it got bumped down to a MUCH more reasonable amount of money (so reasonable, in fact, I can already afford it with the money in my savings account now! All 2 years worth!) but it didn't go down without the following asinine conversation took place beforehand:


Them: Are you working in West Virginia?
Me: Yes.
Them: Do you have a West Virginia driver's license?
Me: Yes.
Them: Do you have a vehicle registered in West Virginia?
Me: Yes.
Them: Are you registered to vote in West Virginia?
Me: Yes.
Them: Do you pay West Virginia income taxes?
Me: Yes.
Them: When you applied, you left that section blank.
Me: When I applied, it was Spring and I had just gotten hired by my current employer. I didn't need to pay income taxes last Spring.
Them: We have your contact number listed with an out-of-state area code.
Me: So?
Them: Well that just raises a red flag in our computer system that you may not live in-state.
Me: Your computer doesn't acknowledge the fact that some people have family members living over the state line?
Them: We have you changed in the system.


And that's how it's done. But it didn't stop there. Once I paid my tuition I kept hearing rumors floating around that I was supposed to receive a letter in the mail outlining when classes start, when orientation is, etc. etc. I never received said letter, so I did what I do best: obsess about it and bug other people for answers. I saw that my classes were listed on the WVU student website, but all the relevant information was "TBA," which I find unacceptable considering they start in a week and a half. I pictured myself blindly walking into buildings on campus, checking empty rooms for signs of life and asking strangers, "are you in the Master's Social Work program? You've never heard of it?" and before you know it I have missed my very first grad school class. And my second class would be the next evening and I won't know where to go for that one, either, so the whole scenario would replay itself. See how that goes in my head? This morning, actually, is when I called WVU yet again to seek answers:


Me: Hi there. Classes for my Master's Degree in Social Work start in two weeks and none of my class information is being displayed on the website. I can see the course title and the teacher's name, but not the date, location, or time.
Them: Ok, do you know who your advisor is?
Me: I got a letter last summer telling me who my advisor is, but she is no longer employed with WVU. So I have no idea who it is now.
Them: Ok... hold on...
*5 minutes of bad music*
Them: Ok, ma'am?
Me: Yeah?
Them: Ok... ("Does she know who her advisor is?") No, she doesn't!
Me: Hello?
Them: Sorry. So you have no idea who your advisor is?
Me: ...you know, I have all the course information right in front of me, if you could just look that up instead...
Them: What are you getting your degree in?
Me: The "direct practice" track. It's not the community-based one, it's the psych one.
Them: Psych?
Me: Yes.
Them: Ohhhhh, ok well this isn't Psych, it's Social Work.
Me: No. I know that. It's the psych TRACK of the Social Work PROGRAM.
Them: Can I have your information? Someone will look you up in the system and call you back.


See? See what a bad omen all of this is? I haven't even started my second go-around at being a student in this lifetime and already other people's ineptitude is stressing me out. Out of sheer divine intervention, one of the girls I was in undergrad with is going to be starting this program alongside me. I consider her an ally in the madness, since she is having a bitch of a time trying to get answers out of these people, just as I am. She emailed one of our professors to ask what the deal was and his response was along the lines of, "oh, you didn't get the letter?"


Long story short, I now know when orientation is and I know where our classes are located. That's enough to get me through days 1 and 2. My first class is the 23rd and orientation/second class are the 24th. Another perfect example of stupidity: why does orientation take place after we have attended our first class? Last time I checked, an "orientation" gets you oriented, and the whole thing seems rather stupid if I have to figure it out on my own the first day without any guidance. I'm not a particularly religious person, but in times like these I just have to trust that this is where God wants me to be at this point in time. And I pray he helps me find the classroom on the first day (on time). And I pray I don't need to participate in any "lets get to know each other" activities that take up the first 45 minutes of class. Amen. 


Enough talk about school. I have 14 entire days to relish not living my life according to semesters again so let's change the subject. Oooh! I know! Take a gander at my drawing of Will and Kate. In my last post, many moons ago, I had just finished my Miranda Kerr drawing and had the lofty ambition of drawing the royal couple (as you know my thoughts on Kate Middleton). Will is pretty much completely down on the paper, despite not having a neck or shirt yet, and Kate still has a long way to go, but here are the royal disembodied heads:

You can save your critiques. I know her chin isn't shaded whatsoever and the lines on her face look way too dark considering her chin has no depth... but it's progress. For now, my to-do list includes adding depth to her chin, darkening his features a little bit so he's not all washed out and blurry compared to her (although she is much sharper in the photo I'm copying), and give her some semblance of a neck so she doesn't look like she's hovering over him like the Ghost of Christmas Past. Her hair is going to be a big endeavor that will likely take hours but I think she looks enough like Kate to be promising. It has potential. It'll be pretty good when it's finished, considering I don't royally (get it?) screw up the rest of her somehow. Her mouth was extremely difficult but I think I nailed it - btw: have you ever noticed what a strange mouth she has?! She is so beautiful and it totally works on her face but sometimes her lips and her teeth are just going in different directions, mind you in a beautiful way, but damn is it hard to capture that strange mouth on paper. I mean her lips are pretty thin but sometimes her upper lip just disappears completely and the angles and the big teeth and UGH. Glad it's done. If you don't think I captured it correctly, please don't bother telling me because I do not have the energy to work on it anymore, so it will remain this way forever.


Anyway: the end.

My Back Hurts

Well, I have royally effed my back up. (Ha, speaking of "royally," it all started the morning of the Royal Wedding. What a coincidence). It started with my foot getting more and more numb every day - what started as the tip of my pinkie toe graduated to my entire pinkie toe and up my foot into my ankle. No feeling at all. At first I was horrified and thought of the gigantic blood clot I likely had lodged in my calf, but over the course of the first couple days I was relieved to see that I wasn't losing any color or warmth so I was able to cross "blood flow" off my list of potential problems. That meant it was a nerve issue, which wasn't better by any stretch of the imagination, but at least my toe wasn't dying. 


So the MAJOR perk to working at a hospital and being friends with the smart people that work alongside me is that I can run all of my ailments past them to get a preemptive diagnosis before calling my actual doctor and making an appointment. The first doctor I asked thought it was Morton's neuroma, which I figured was a remote possibility but the symptoms didn't quite add up. When the  terrible pinching sensation in my lower back started up a few days later, I figured it was a nerve stemming from my back and affecting my foot, rather than an isolated foot problem. Cue the Physical Therapist! My dad insisted I go to a chiropractor but the Physical Therapist I am friends with thinks they're all quacks, so now I take 20 minutes out of my work day to have my spine pressed on in uncomfortable ways by the Physical Therapist. He is doing it for free and it seems to be helping - the numbness has really subsided and, apart from a bruised back from him beating on it every afternoon, the back pain is getting much better. It's halfway through the second week of therapy and I am feeling well enough to tackle my stilettos at the Banquet on Thursday =)


Today was the Spring Fling at work (just another shindig I was primarily responsible for putting together). For those of you that don't have any idea of what the Spring Fling is, and why would you?, it's an outdoor 'fest' at the hospital with a moon bounce, face painting, music, food, etc. I was surprised at the good turn out - and damn do those kids love a moon bounce. At one point there were so many in there I'm surprised they weren't accidentally knocking one another unconscious. Whatever the capacity limit is on those things, I'm pretty sure we exceeded it. Regardless, no one got injured and everyone had a good time. At least I think so. No one outwardly complained, as far as I know, so I deem it a success. 


In the meantime, I finished my drawing of Miranda Kerr - the one I have been working on for months now. I probably would have finished her in a matter of days had moving to the new apartment not interrupted my usual routine and had I actually wanted to continue working on her. I think what motivated me to finally get it done was the picture I found of Will and Kate that I really want to draw so I knew I had to finish Miranda because I hate leaving something unfinished to start on something new. So, TA DAAAA! Here she is:

The picture is sorta yellow, which is strange, considering it's just graphite on white paper. Maybe the light in the room changed the hue of the paper, I don't know. Regardless, here she is. Nick says the photo doesn't do the actual drawing justice. I agree, the real drawing is better, but it's really hard to take a picture of a drawing and have it look the same. 


Anyway, that's that. I'll update more at the end of the week. Ta ta.

Extreme Couponing is Complete Madness

Did you hear that we killed Osama bin Laden? Because we did. Talk about making a Monday bearable. Slightly less awesome were all the Facebook statuses from Republicans saying things like, "OBAMA HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS. STOP GIVING HIM CREDIT." Something tells me you would have blamed him had it gone awry, though. Funny... I thought patriotism meant supporting your country no matter who is running it. Considering Obama is the Commander in Chief of our armed forces I would think you would have given him some of the kudos for killing the man many would consider the most-wanted on the planet. Whatever. I'm just glad it didn't steal the thunder of the Royal Wedding.


Anyway: I was watching a marathon of the show "Extreme Couponing" earlier today. If you've never seen it, lemme tell you, it's INSANE. It's these people (mostly woman, some effeminate men) who are obsessed with with paying drastically less than retail for absolutely everything. They're hoarders, really, because they have these gigantic stockpiles of food in their basements - things they will never, ever use in their lifetime. They will go to the grocery store with this arsenal of crap that will earn them discounts and five hours later they leave with $1000 worth of stock for like 5 cents.


When watching this show for the first time, I was really inspired to clip coupons. Watching as these people get an obscene amount of merchandise for the price of a haircut is incredible. Don't get me wrong: I really like the occasional coupon. Getting free shipping off an online purchase or getting 20% off something expensive really excites me. But these people scour hither, tither, and yon for coupons that they combine ten times over to get ridiculous deals (which is another beef I have with them... since when can you use more than one coupon on a single item? Don't they all say "limit one per item?") They admit to spending the equivalent of 40-60 hours a week on coupon finding and clipping. One maniac actually dumpster dives looking for ads that people have thrown away, and another stalks the neighborhood to find out which houses are being foreclosed on so she can go steal the newspapers that are still being delivered there. Give me a break. Have some self respect. If you are spending that much time finding coupons, cutting those coupons out of newspapers, and then shopping with those coupons, has it ever dawned on you that getting a JOB with all those hours would more than accommodate an increase in the grocery bill? 


Discounts are awesome, but I don't see how having a bunker under your house with 9000 bottles of mustard is worth the savings. Granted you got all those 9000 bottles for like $2.00, but that's still a waste of $2.00 considering you will NEVER consume all that mustard. One crackpot had stockpiled over a thousand diapers and she didn't even have a baby. Totally childless. And that's a trend I've noticed on that show: all the stuff these people get with their asinine coupons is complete junk. Gatorade, candy bars, and soda rack up in the hundreds with each purchase. Why in God's name do you need to buy 60 candy bars in one shopping trip? I don't understand why there aren't coupons for peaches or arugula or something that would actually be of some benefit (to keep you alive longer, so you can continue couponing). They couldn't hoard produce, though, it would rot before they got around to eating it. Regardless, if  there is some sort of nuclear disaster I know where I'm headed.

My Thoughts on the Royal Wedding

I woke up at 5:55am this morning to insure that I catch a glimpse of Kate Middleton getting out of her Rolls Royce in her wedding dress at 6:00am. I don't think I've ever mentioned how much I love Kate Middleton, and perhaps it's because we share a name, but I think she's one of the most classy and gorgeous women Across the Pond has to offer. She's beautiful in a very natural way and she is stylish from head to toe and plays up her best features really well (unlike those people who use "natural beauty" as an excuse to not wear makeup and don pajamas in public).

I would be smiling, too.

A lot of people don't understand why other people (like me) care so much about the Royal Wedding. Quite frankly, I don't understand why I care so much either... but I think it's because nothing like that happens in the States. Instead, we have Donald Trump running for president. Womp womp.


Regardless of the reason, I was super pumped for this wedding. I didn't wake up at 4am when all the press coverage started because I don't care about watching the guests arrive at Westminster Abbey. I just wanted to see Kate in her top secret wedding dress. That is why I did my research and timed my alarm clock perfectly: Kate was supposed to arrive at the Abbey at 11am British time. That's 6am our time, so 5:55 it was for me. And that's exactly how it worked out... I woke up, peed, brushed my teeth, and turned on the tv as her car was slowing in front of the red carpet. And of course on a girl's wedding day she is prettier than she is every other day, and when you look like Kate Middleton you damn near blind people by being so radiant.

I can't see.

I'm not big into wedding dress designers or anything, but everyone was buzzing about it being "Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen." Because I'm not an active member in the wedding dress community, I've never heard of Sarah Burton, nor do I understand how a designer designs for another designer. Who gets the credit? Anyway, this is what Sarah Burton apparently looks like:

So needless to say I am pretty impressed that a woman who puts so little into her own personal appearance is capable of making Kate Middleton even more gorgeous than she is on every other Friday of her life. I look past your frumpy haircut and I tip my itty bitty Fascinator hat to you, Sarah Burton. 


Fascinator hats are apparently all the rage in Britain. I read an article about there being three main types of British headgear: Fascinators, head pieces, and hats. Fascinators are the teeny little things they pin to their heads at an awkward angle, head pieces are usually just an awkward but less teeny, and hats are usually awkward and ginormous. Done the correct way any of them can be hot and fancy schmancy, but done the wrong way you wind up looking like Princess Beatrice did at the wedding today:

I was going to make fun of it but then I found a picture that does it for me.

Is she serious? I think they look goofy enough propped on your forehead much less one that looks like THAT. Kate Middleton can always pull off the Fascinator hat. Really. Google "kate middleton fascinator hat" and gaze upon how much hotness she brings to these goofy little things. On the other end of the spectrum we have Beatrice, who looks like she was let out of her cage and sent to the wedding without taking her medication. I actually spotted her among the humongous crowd in Westminster Abbey as I watched the wedding this morning. I literally noticed this monstrosity among the thousands of people crowded into that church. It scanned over her pretty quickly but I was able to identify her, and some quick Googling only confirmed my initial horror. Technically, I guess this would be a head piece instead of a Fascinator, because it's not as small as Fascinators are, but does it even matter when it gets to this level?


I would also like to point out that one of Kate's bridesmaids looked like a female Damien from The Omen:

I don't think I'd be so offended by her, considering she's just a little girl who can't help her dark circles. But then they released this picture:

Joy hurts her ears.

Is that kid weird looking, or is she weird looking? I just couldn't help but notice she looks like a minion from the sixth circle of Hell. Don't even say I'm being mean, I know you agree with me. Man!... I really don't mean to be so punchy. But my PMS has been absolutely raging for the past week so I am taking it out on these complete strangers instead of coworkers or family members. Regardless, all in all, the wedding was absolutely beautiful (if you cross out the fallopian tube hat and the mythological imp) and I do not regret sacrificing twenty minutes of sleep to watch the beginning of the ceremony. I found out Kate did her own makeup, too... how unpretentious of her. The girl's got some killer cheekbones, that's for sure. I love her! I am jealous William married her, I want to marry her. I hope they are quick to have kids so I can covet their gorgeous babies.


I would likely feel very differently toward the British Monarchy if I were one of the hardworking saps whose tax money funded this wedding. But I'm not, so I'm into it. There's still a single prince left, too! And he is better looking and has more hair than the newly married Prince William! MAYBE I STAND A CHANCE! Just kidding. He wears Nazi costumes to Halloween parties and I question his judgement. 

This is his girlfriend. And you thought I questioned his judgement because of the Nazi costume.

        

Some Easter Things

You'll be happy to know I have calmed down since my last post. Although the email network was down all day at work today, I checked my order status on the Stumps website and the unshipped piece of my order from Friday at least has a tracking number next to it now. I can only assume it's en route. God in Heaven, let it be en route.


I spent the weekend relaxing at my parents' house. I love being there. As terrible as the traffic is, as many Korean shopping centers there are, and as neurotic and strange my family can occasionally be, I grew up in that town and I really miss it sometimes. I left later than I wanted to on Saturday (partly because I was busy blogging about Stumps) but I had waited to take a shower until the morning of, and I hadn't packed anything until the morning of... I basically did everything the morning of. It takes about an hour and a half to get down there, provided the traffic is manageable, and this time I was worried everyone would be driving to their Easter locations and I'd be stuck in a jam as soon as I hit my neck of the woods. Luckily, everyone was apparently in a hurry to get to their Easter locations so it was breeze flying down the highway and I made decent time.


I did the standard: dyed Easter eggs, flopped on the couch and watched tv, hung out w/ the best friend I only get to see every 6 months, etc. etc. Easter was dedicated to Grandma's birthday, also, so we had a big lunch/dinner (linner?) and some cake to celebrate her turning 87. She hates every moment of getting older and she'll tell you that at every opportunity: when I said goodnight to her on Saturday I said, "See you tomorrow," and she replied with, "I hope!" I asked her what she meant by that and her response was, "I could die in my sleep." See what I mean?


Regardless, I had a nice time back at the house and I wished I had today off so I could have stayed an extra night. But the resurrection of our Lord wasn't enough to warrant a day off work so here I am, back at the apartment. By the way, I totally failed at my Lenten resolution. I had vowed to exercise three times a week and it didn't go over so well. I just hate movement, that's the conclusion I've come to. I'm such a sedentary animal. Everyone makes fun of Ty for being such a fat lazy piece but the two of us really aren't very different. We enjoy the same things: eating and sleeping and moving as little as possible. I am forced to move because I have a job where walking is a requirement but can I really hold it against Ty? It's not his fault he's unemployed.

This is us, engaging in one of our mutual interests. 

That is my baby blanket covering me, in case you were wondering. I sleep with it every night of my life. Anyway: I should really get back into the routine of working out because I genuinely care about my health and wellbeing. I'm not overweight (unless you ask my BMI) and I eat generally healthy things - I am just such a sucker for not sweating. Is it really so awful I prefer to sit in air conditioning instead of sweating my ass off out in the elements, moving until my muscles feel like they're going to rip in half? It's just not a nice way to feel. I prefer to not feel that way. All this Easter candy isn't helping my cause, either. I am sitting here eating these horrid little things called Mini Robin Eggs. They're basically Whoppers that they speckled to look like eggs. I don't even like Whoppers - I am sitting here blogging about how sedentary I am while shoving candy I don't even like into my gaping maw. Is this what rock bottom feels like?

I Hate Stumps!!

I wouldn't hate planning the Employee Banquet so much if I could just get everything done my way. Having to rely on the COMPLETELY INCOMPETENT BOOBS at Stumps Party (in business since 1926!) is seriously enough to make my head spin. Allow me to share my experience:

• April 5th: I order the personalized invitations and request 2-day shipping. I figure with an RSVP by May 1st, this will be plenty of time to receive them and send them to guests. I am then notified that my order will ship on April 12th. I call Customer Service to inquire about the reason it will take 8 frickin days to ship my invitations, and I'm told "because they are personalized, we need to print them and we can't speed up that process. They will ship the 12th, and because you ordered 2-day shipping, you'll get them on the 14th." Fair enough.
• April 12: I receive an email from Stumps saying that the paper used for my invitations isn't in stock, so the new shipping date is April 18th. WTF. Cute that they didn't tell me this before, considering this is now 8 days after placing my order. They tell me this on the day it's supposed to leave their warehouse. I believe the email said something like, "Your order will ship April 18th and will arrive April 20th." So I call Customer Service yet again and I say, "Nooo, you will overnight them to me considering this is all your fault you STUPID ASSES." Ok, I didn't say that last part but I wanted to. They agreed to overnight it on their dime and I proceeded to wait for the new ship date as patiently as possible.
• April 18th: At 3pm I notice these invitations still haven't shipped and I start to get worried. I call Customer Service and they assure me that they have until 7pm to ship all orders, and her computer is showing that "it should go out today." Well it should have gone out two effing weeks ago, but I'm not one to hold grudges. 
• April 19th, 8am: check my order status for the invitations. Didn't ship. Mother of God, they didn't ship. I need these damn invitations because "RSVP by May 1st" isn't allowing our guests much time to reply and we're going to look like idiots if these people get their invitations late. I call Customer Service and ask them why. The woman I am talking to can't provide me with a reason as to why they didn't ship, just that "her computer is showing that they should have gone out yesterday." I know they should have gone out yesterday, that's why I'm calling you, you imbecile. She assures me that she will send an email to the barbarians in the warehouse and tell them to ship it to me ASAP, and "she is there until 3:30 and will keep a close eye on it throughout the day."
• April 19th, 12pm: I call again and ask them if they have heard anything. She says she has not, but she will send another email to the warehouse. I say, "Can't you just call the warehouse instead of sending them an email? Or physically move your body down to the warehouse and watch them put it on the truck?" Her answer is no, she can only send emails.
• April 19th, 1:30pm: I call Customer Service and request to speak to a manager. The rep I was talking to paused for a full five seconds before asking, ".......is there a problem?" I explained the entire situation to her and said, "I know it's not your fault so I really don't want to scream at you. That is why I want to speak to someone above you because I know the Customer Service Representatives are not at the top of the food chain at a party planning company." She did not give me a manager, and instead told me, "My computer is showing your invitations should ship today." 
• April 19th, 3pm: I receive a call from Customer Service telling me the reason it hadn't shipped was because the paper had been on backorder. For that matter, that paper is still on backorder, meaning my invitations haven't even printed yet. I say, "Just so we're clear, I was told on the 12th that the paper was on backorder and I was given a new shipping date, the 18th. That was yesterday. So I guess they gave me a new shipping date completely pulled out of thin air, because I assumed the new date was given based on the fact that the paper would be in stock by then. And now it's the 19th and the only reason I was even informed of this is because I have spent my entire day hounding you." She just apologized and thanked me for not yelling at her. I asked her where they were located. She said they were based in Indiana. I told her I was just curious, but I was really asking because I wanted to see how difficult it would be to drive there and either 1) pick the invitations up myself, or 2) attack all Stumps employees. Instead I just cancelled the order.

This has literally driven me clinically insane. Dealing with these people is like pulling your teeth out one by one with a pair of rusty pliers. And it hasn't ended with the invitations, not by a long shot. I still had ANOTHER pending order with these people, that was set to ship April 22nd. Here's how the rest of the week panned out for me:

• April 20th: I call Customer Service and tell them that my online order status for the invitations still says "In the Warehouse" when it should say "Cancelled." She assures me they are cancelled and the credit card hasn't been charged. "It just takes a while for the online status to update."
• April 21st: I call Customer Service and say, "I had a lot of issues with an order that was eventually cancelled completely, so I am worried that my other order set to ship tomorrow will not go smoothly. I just want to make sure nothing is on backorder and everything is still sent to ship." She assures me nothing is on backorder and everything will be fine.
• April 22nd: I get an email from Stumps saying my order was shipped and they give me a UPS tracking number. HOT DAMN!! I scroll down to continue reading the email and, hold the phone, only half the order was shipped. What a plot twist. I saw this coming a mile away, did I not? I call them and say, "I see that my order was shipped, but only half of it. Where is the other half?" And at first the woman didn't even know what I was talking about because her computer wasn't showing it had been shipped. Once she figured her shit out she said, "Well sometimes even if it's the same order, we send them in more than one shipment." That made some semblance of sense, considering these were two completely different items I had just happened to order at the same time, so I accepted this rationale. She assured me that they have until 7pm to send all items for the day, and most of the time they go out around that time. Very well.

Today is April 23rd and I am at home, on a Saturday, and shouldn't be thinking about what the people at Stumps Party in Indiana are doing. Lo and behold, I check my work email and there is nothing in my inbox to signify that the other half of my order was sent. I check my order status on their website and there is nothing there to signify my order was sent. I. Have. Had It. I rattled off an email (after trying to call them but they don't work Saturdays) and here is what I said:

The other half of that order, W1425250-0101, was supposed to ship 4/22 and it did not. I have talked to you all approximately 20 times regarding this other half of the other and all anyone tells me is, "It should go out on 4/22." I don't understand why it is so difficult for you all to ship things on time, because this is not the first issue I've had with you, but if that arch does not arrive on Tuesday 4/26 like it is supposed to I am requesting it be overnighted and my shipping cost be fully refunded. It is really not that difficult to send packages on time, especially considering "you have been in business since 1926," so I want a reason it was not shipped.

I am sorry for being so rude, but I really have had to call Stumps five times a day wondering why things haven't shipped and inquiring about the status of my orders. With my other party invitations order, I was told after hounding your poor Customer Service reps a million times that they hadn't even been printed yet two days after they were supposed to be shipped. This is unacceptable and I want the other half of this current order shipped NOW, considering they were supposed to be shipped yesterday and weren't. WHY don't things ship on time with Stumps?!

She wrote me back saying something along the lines of, "Sorry your order didn't ship on time. We trust our warehouse to ship things on the dates they are due but that doesn't always happen. I'll get this shipped to you 4/25." I swear on everything good and holy in this world, I will be plotting all weekend how to unleash the gates on Hell on these people if 4/26 rolls around and I don't have a confirmation email saying my order shipped. The Banquet is not until May 12th so I have some time to get this other part of the order in, but I hate waiting until the last minute. This Banquet is a big deal and I am spearheading it and if something goes wrong it comes down on me and I look like a big fart. If my name is on something it will be done well and I don't care how many Customer Service representatives I need to harass.

In case you're wondering, we found cheaper and better looking invitations elsewhere, so most have already been mailed to guests. That much is at least taken care of. Luckily, everything else is falling into place quite well: decorations are purchased, food is secure, band is booked, etc. etc. All I'm waiting on is this damn order and then all that will be left is decorating the day before. Maybe buy some balloons and stuff like that. I really enjoy this type of stuff but I can't imagine being a full-time party planner because having to rely on other people to get the job done is infuriating! I'm too Type A for this - I'm a firm believer in, "If you want something done right you need to do it yourself." Well I can't do this myself, I need to rely on the livestock working at Stumps Party, so I am going to stress until the Banquet is OVER and went down without a hitch. 


IN THE MEANTIME! We have another little shindig to plan that occurs a mere 2 days before the Banquet: the Spring Fling. I have stressed far less over this, considering it's only 3 hours long and occurs on the lawn right outside the hospital, but I've still had to secure a moon bounce rental and make sure everyone on the Activities Committee is doing their part to get things like crafts for the kids, a face painter, and goodie bags for them to take home. Thank God I have a dependable group of people helping me on this (if any of them were completely worthless I'd tell them to quit and go work for Stumps). So thank you, God, for my coworkers who I can rely on!